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Wedding Jokes, Husband-Wife Jokes
31. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
32. The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
33. A lady inserted an "ad" in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
34. My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
35. Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
36. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
37. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence - a life sentence.
38. Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
39. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
40. If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. - Chekhov
41. Marriage is a rest period between romances.
42. Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
43. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late!"
44. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
45. Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.
46. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
47. Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
48. A man tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and he had to return the unused part for his full refund!
49. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living. - God forbid.
50. Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter."
51. Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
52. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde
53. I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -Sam Kinison
54. A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
55. Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken
56. Ram: "My wife has the worst memory".
Shyam: "Does she forget everything?"
Ram: "No, She remembers everything".
57. Radha: "What do you use to clean utensils?"
Kishna: "My husband is the best in cleaning utensils".
58. Radha: "What is the main reason for divorce?"
Kishan: " Marriage".
59. In response to a classified Ad: " Wife wanted", a man received thousands of responses saying, "You can have mine."
60.Love and marriage
1. Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
2. TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
3. Love is dinner in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
4. Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
5. Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
6. In love you go to bed early.
After marriage, you go to sleep early.
61.Marriage and Bollywood
1. Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
2. Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
3. Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
4. Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
5. Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Visionary Wife
I like the story of the woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with jewels. Her explanation: "If I die and my husband remarries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
Father and Son
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if it's your own."
John: "I'm a man of few words."
Bill: "I'm married, too."
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