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You Are What You Are 

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, “I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth… Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?”

St. Peter said, “That’s a question only God can answer.” So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, “God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?”

God simply replied, “You are what you are.”

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, “Well, did God straighten out your query for you?” The zebra looked puzzled.

“No sir, God simply said ‘You are what you are.’” St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, “Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.”

The zebra asked St. Peter, “How do you know that for certain?” “Because,” said St. Peter, “If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, “You is what you is.”

If you laughed at this, Al Sharpton and Jesse will get you… shhhhhhhhhh. 

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Why It’s Important To Understand English 

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars laying around, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank to change them out.

It was a short line, just one lady in front of me; An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was getting a little irritated.

She asked the teller, “Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty. Why it change?”

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations”.

The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people, too!”

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Anything For Love 

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her… don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara.” The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, “No problem!! I have. I have.” 

Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, “I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France.” The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build. I build.”

Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, “Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis.” The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I cut. I cut.”

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