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Political Jokes

The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage, in front of a huge crowd. ‘Her Majesty’ and ‘His Holiness’, however, have seen it all before so to make it a little more interesting the senator says to the Pope, “Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in this crowd go wild?”

He doubts this, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such arrogance, considers what he should do. “That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.”

The senator seriously and presidential candidate doubts this, and tells him this. So the Pope slaps her upside the head. Crowd goes wild.

One morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in D.C and his name is Jeff.”

After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. “Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She’s a wonderful wife but she’s never offered much excitement in the bedroom, I have fooled around with other women a lot. Jeff is actually your half-brother, and I’m afraid you can’t marry him.” Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again.

A year later she came home and very proudly announced, “Mitch asked me to marry him! We’re getting married in June.” Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Mitch is your half-brother too, Hun. I’m terribly sorry about this.”

Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. “Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” she complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother.” Hillary just shook her head. Don’t pay any attention to what he says dear. He’s not really your father.”

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

* Broiled Missionary: $10.00

* Fried Explorer: $15.00

* Grilled Republican: $100.00

* Baked Democrat: $250.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a price difference for the Politicians?” The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of crap it takes all morning.”

President Clinton is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Democrat puppies, Mr. President.” Clinton thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Republican puppies.” The president looks puzzled and says, “Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies.” The man smiles and says, “Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!”

George Bush has a heart attack, dies, and goes to hell where he’s confronted by the devil. “I don’t know what to do,” says the devil. “You’re on my list… but I don’t have any room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m gonna to do. I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you, I’ll let one of them go but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide (since you are, after all, the DECIDER) who leaves.

George thought the deal sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened a door to the first room, in it was Richard Nixon in a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

“No!” George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the next room, in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all could do was break rocks all day!” commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In that room George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms over his head, and his legs spread in an eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and, finally, said “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to go!”

Hillary Clinton Jokes | Barack Obama Jokes | Laloo Jokes

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