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Secs Sandals
A couple walked into a tourist shop in Jamaica. The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. “Dey makes you wild at secs.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the secs God he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a secs freak?” The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, Mon.” So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming, “You got dem on the de wrong feet man! You got dem on de wrong feet!”Taxi Ride
One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring hard at her.
When she asked him why, he said, “I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She said, “You can’t offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything.”
The cab driver then said, “Well, I’ve always had the fantasy of having a nun give me a blow job.”
She said, “Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. First, you have to be single, and second you have to be Catholic.”
Immediately the cab driver said, “Oh, yes! I’m single and I’m Catholic!”
The nun said, “Okay, pull into that alleyway over there.”
The cab driver pulled into the alleyway and the nun went to it. Soon after the nun was finished, the cab driver started crying.
The nun said, “My child, what’s the matter?”
He said tearfully, “Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied…I’m married and I’m Jewish!”
The nun replied, “That’s okay. My name’s Jeff and I’m on my way to a costume party!”
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