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Funny Jokes
Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in
the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train
in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All
of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is
the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your
asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to
stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train,
but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with
his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember
to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us
today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us
again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of
you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your
seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a
pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who
are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
kitchen."
Criminal Mastermind
An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Lipstick
According to a news report, a certain private school
recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of middle school girls were beginning to use lipstick and would
put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their
lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the
girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called
all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for
the maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked
the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned
the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the
mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators.
Job Interview
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
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